


I Would Hate You If I Could

by CliffordAffliction



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Ash is a bit of a dick at first but he gets better, Ash is just almost always the good guy in my fics I wanted to switch it up, Birthday Party, Blow Jobs, Cuddles, Drinking, Fluff, Grinding, I wrote this in like 4 days wtf, Kissing, Lashton - Freeform, M/M, Muke - Freeform, Original Characters - Freeform, Party, Smut, Swimming, but this is a lashton story, but won't admit it to each other, drunk boys, handjobs, its Ashton's birthday, malum, rich!michael, sorry I just couldnt help myself, the muke is brief, they're in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-08 00:55:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6832318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CliffordAffliction/pseuds/CliffordAffliction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke’s been in love with his best friend Ashton for years, to the point where it’s driving him insane how much he wants to be with him. Out of the blue Ashton starts to treat him like they aren’t even friends anymore and Luke doesn’t know how to handle it so he tries desperately to get his mind off of the boy…and fails miserably.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Would Hate You If I Could

**Author's Note:**

> If you’ve read any of my other fics you will know that I almost always write Muke (I’ve written a strictly Lashton fic once before but it didn’t include any smut...this one does) but this idea just came to me and I somehow wrote this in like 4 days so here it is lmao but I hope you guys like it! I might write an epilogue where all four of them go out on a date or something...I’m not sure though so don’t hold your breath on that. The title of this fic is named after the song I Would Hate You If I Could by Turnover. That song changed my life

It was hard for Luke to pinpoint the exact point in time that he fell in love with Ashton.

Maybe it was the first time they ever met, when Luke was curled up in a ball in one of the main hallways after school while two big football players kept kicking the shit out of him.

He was in 7th grade then and much smaller than everyone in his grade and in that moment he was actually sure that he was going to pass out from the pain at any second; that was until Ashton got there.

He remembers hearing a loud voice shouting but he couldn’t make out what the boy had said but soon enough the two boys were being pulled off of them and he could feel two caring hands rubbing at his arms. He remembers that Ashton had the most beautiful and caring eyes he had ever seen and he remembers how safe he felt.

Or maybe he fell in love with Ashton the first time he slept over at his house. Both of Ashton’s parents were out of town for the weekend and him and Ashton both fell asleep on the couch after watching movie after movie and eating junk food.

He remembers waking up in the middle of the night feeling a bit scared and knowing that he wasn’t at his own house. He looked down at Ashton who had his head laying back and his feet stretched out on the footstool. Luke doesn’t even remember where he got the courage but soon he was curling up against Ashton’s chest and grabbing the curly haired boys arm and draping it over his shoulder.

He felt so safe as soon as he felt Ashton’s warm body against his and he felt even better the next morning when he woke up with the same feeling as Ashton breathed heavily above him.

It could have been either of those two occurrences that made Luke fall in love with his best friend or it could have been one of the many other experiences they have shared over the years; Luke wasn’t sure but he was did know that his feelings for Ashton were very strong so there was no way that he had developed them recently.

“What the hell are you still doing in your sweats, Luke?” Luke was knocked out of his thoughts by Ashton’s harsh voice and he looked up at the boy…or man would be a better word with how dressed up Ashton was. He wore black dress pants and a black dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and the top two buttons were undid which showed his tan chest. Luke swallowed hard and had to force himself to look back at Ashton’s face. Ashton was raising his eyebrows like he was expecting Luke to say something or at least get up and get dressed like he wanted him to “We were supposed to be there a fucking half hour ago” and Luke just nodded quickly before he was standing up.

Usually Ashton was never this snippy with him but tonight was an important night for him so Luke wasn’t taking it too seriously, although it did hurt him a bit to have Ashton be so harsh with him.

Tonight happened to be Ashton’s birthday and usually just him and Luke would celebrate it by going to get pizza and then swimming at the beach until well into the early morning hours. It was a tradition for them but things were changing and it was making Luke nervous.  
Sure, Ashton had always been popular but this past September when he became the football teams star player he had been getting even more attention and that was why the teams captain had decided to throw him a huge party at his house.

Ashton hated being late for anything so Luke understood why he hated being late for his own party. Luke didn’t exactly want to even go to the party because they had never been his thing but Ashton had been looking forward to it ever since Caleb had mentioned it to him so Luke knew he had to at least try and go.

All Luke wanted was for it to be just him and Ashton again and he was worried that he would never again get to share Ashton’s birthday with him like they used to.

Maybe one day Luke wouldn’t even be in Ashton’s life at all and that scared him to death. Luke wasn’t like Ashton’s other friends, Luke was shy and thought of himself as a pretty nice guy but Ashton’s other friends loved attention and were rude to people who weren’t like them. Luke honestly couldn’t stand any of them and it made him sick to his stomach that Ashton even gave them the time of day; none of them deserved even a second of Ashton’s time.

“Luke, You’re killing me man!” Luke jumped at Ashton’s voice yelling up at him and scrambled towards his closet.

He ended up grabbing a pair of light washed jeans that didn’t have any holes in them and then a plain black shirt. He didn’t look even close to as good as Ashton did but he tried not to beat himself up about it because that was a very hard thing to do; Ashton looked gorgeous in even a plain white shirt and sweat pants for Christ sakes. Luke decided to stop zoning out and thinking about how out of his league Ashton was and he hurried down the stairs, knowing he had put Ashton through enough today with how slow he had been moving when Ashton clearly wanted to be at Caleb’s house by now “You ready?” Ashton said impatiently as he stood at the bottom of the stairs and Luke nodded as he hurried down them “Alright, let’s go” and then he was throwing a black jacket at Luke that was hanging on the coat rack before he was opening the front door.

Usually Ashton would always compliment what Luke was wearing but tonight he didn’t even give him a second look. It was Ashton’s party after all but Luke was starting to really wonder why Ashton thought it was so important for him to be on time.

The air was a bit cold for August so Luke was at least glad that Ashton was nice enough to toss him a jacket and Luke held onto to that nice gesture as he slipped into the passenger side of Ashton’s dark blue car that just had a fresh wash the day before. Luke watched Ashton as he turned the car on and then he was quickly backing out of the driveway.

The curly haired boy let out a breath once they were beginning to drive down the road and Luke again felt bad for putting Ashton through so much stress. It was just that he was quite nervous about being around so many people and on any other day Ashton would be able to instantly sense Luke’s uneasiness and then he would make him feel better; Ashton always knew how to comfort him but Luke had to tell himself that he couldn’t rely on that tonight. He would have to calm himself down and get through tonight on his own, which scared him but he knew he didn’t have any other choice. Ashton was in his own little world tonight and Luke knew he was being dramatic but right now it felt like they weren’t even friends with how little Ashton was paying attention to him.

Luke just bit his lip and kept glancing over at Ashton, silently begging Ashton to give him some attention. He watched the way the streetlights would make his eyes look an entirely different color and the way he would flinch whenever a bright set of headlights would drive by. When it came to Ashton it didn’t take much to get keep Luke’s attention.

Luke finally decided that he did in fact have the power to open his mouth and say something first so he just said the first thing that came to mind.

“Ummm” Luke began and he wanted to kick himself for sounding so pathetic. Even though he had talked Ashton still didn’t tear his eyes away from the road and that worried Luke but he still forced himself to continue “You look g-good” he spit out and then he was quickly looking over at Ashton, trying to read what he was thinking but all the boy was doing was messing with the radio.

“Yeah, thanks” Ashton said quirking up the right side of his lips a little but he still seemed distracted. It didn’t exactly count as a smile, since it was gone in an instant, but Luke would take anything he could get “Listen” Ashton said in that same harsh tone as before and then Luke was tensing up again. At this rate he would end up having a panic attack before they even got to the party “Do you think you’ll be okay by yourself at the party?” he said finally looking at Luke and Luke opened his mouth a few times but nothing came out and then Ashton was looking back at the road “Like I know I’ll have to pay attention to a bunch of other people so I won’t be able to be around you the whole time” and suddenly Luke felt a bit angry. Why was he even coming if Ashton was just going to blow him off? He was going for Ashton after all and even though Luke understood that Ashton couldn’t just babysit him the whole time he still hoped that Ashton would hang out with him most of the time.  
Luke realized that he was again zoning out and that he still hadn’t answered Ashton. Ashton must think that he was on drugs with how weird he had been acting tonight.

“Yeah…yeah I’ll be okay” Luke lied. He wouldn’t be okay at all.

“Good boy” Ashton said sternly and Luke smiled at how the old Ashton was briefly showing through. Usually Ashton would smile whenever he called Luke a “Good boy” though. Luke looked at Ashton for a few more seconds, or minutes because he really wasn’t sure, before he forced himself to look out the window and stop torturing himself with how beautiful Ashton looked tonight.

Soon they were pulling into a driveway that had a huge cabin like house at the end of it. Luke had never been to Caleb’s house, or any of Ashton’s friends houses, so he was a bit amazed by it. Luke’s family wasn’t poor or anything but this kid was filthy rich. Luke knew he would feel even more out of place in this house and he started to get nervous again. He wasn’t sure if he even stopped being nervous since they left the house. The whole yard was practically full of cars and Luke reached out his hand, thinking that he could touch Ashton in some way but judging by how Ashton had been acting tonight he just didn’t want to piss him off even more. God, did Luke want the old Ashton back. Ashton was parking near the house and then he was turning the car off just as quickly as he had turned it on back at his house.

“You good?” Ashton said as he looked over at Luke and Luke nodded quickly but Ashton was still looking at him like he didn’t see him nod in the dark car.

“Yeah…I’m good” Luke said confidently and normally Ashton would see through this obvious lie but tonight he didn’t. He just nodded casually and then he was opening his door. Luke did the same and then he was opening his door. He shivered once he got outside and the was reminded of the night they spent at the beach a few days ago: Luke had shivered only once when him and Ashton were sitting in the sand and that was all it took for Ashton to put an arm around him and bring him close to warm him up.

Now Luke was shivering nonstop and glanced over to see that Ashton’s eyes were set ahead as he fixed his collar.

When they got to the front door Luke felt a warmness in his chest when Ashton actually opened the door for him and let him go in first like he always did.

“Thank you” Luke muttered, even though he never did any other time Ashton did it because he was so used to it but right now it seemed like some rare act of Ashton’s. Luke glanced up to see if Ashton had reacted to his weird action of saying thank you but Ashton was just looking forward and then he was stepping around Luke and it was such a simple act but it made Luke feel like Ashton was pretending that he wasn’t even there. Luke swallowed down the lump in his throat and wanted to kick himself for feeling like he could cry right now and then he was finally looking around at his surroundings.

He looked up and could see a large balcony and even though the walls were a tan color it was still obvious that they were in a cabin type house by the pieces of wood in the railings on the stairs and the balcony, along with in the pieces of furniture. Loud music was filling the entire house but suddenly it was being cut off.

“The birthday boy finally arrives!” a voice yelled and Luke didn’t have to look to know that it was Caleb who had yelled that.

“Well I see that you’ve already started drinking without me” Ashton chuckled and Luke just watched him and didn’t look at anyone else, although he could see and hear a big crowd of people that were coming out of the kitchen.

“Oh no worries” Caleb said and Luke shook a bit as could see him getting closer “You’ll be able to catch up to us in no time” For some reason Luke looked over at Caleb and seen him wink at Ashton before handing him a beer “Happy birthday man” Caleb said happily as he was slapping hands with Ashton and Luke cringed at just that little touch that Caleb was getting from his best friend. Luke couldn’t even remember the last time him and Ashton had had any physical contact. Well he could but he knew they hadn’t had any today and that was for sure. Luke was already feeling withdrawals because of the lack of touch they’ve had today and he once again started to hate himself for being so needy for Ashton’s attention.

“Luke” Ashton said sternly and Luke was whipping his head away from the floor. He could tell by the look on Ashton’s face that he had been trying to get his attention for a while and Luke just straightened up and tried to look like he wasn’t freaking out with all the noise going on around him “You coming?” he actually sounded friendly so Luke nodded, even though he had no idea where they were going. He was then following Ashton and Caleb into the kitchen and Luke instantly regretted following them in here when he seen how many people were in the large kitchen.

It was hard for Luke to note everything that was going on but he did hear a bunch of people yelling Ashton’s name and just watched as person after person came walking up to Ashton, wanting his attention as girls leaned up against him and guys patted him on the shoulder.  
In no time at all Luke was already being left in the shadows as he felt himself backing up further away from Ashton and then he was pressing his body against one of the counters.

Ashton of course didn’t even notice that he was gone as he smiled widely and seemed to be absolutely loving all the attention he was getting and of course he was; Ashton loved being liked and he loved being the center of attention. Luke was the complete opposite and actually didn’t care what people thought about him and hated the attention and, once again, Luke wondered why Ashton even wanted to be friends with him.

Luke was beginning to feel like he couldn’t even breathe as just more and more people entered the kitchen and soon he was running out of the area, he just needed to get away from everyone, it wasn’t like Ashton would even notice that he was gone so Luke just began running through the house in hopes of a back door.

Luckily he found one at the end of a hallway and he could see a huge pool in the backyard that was surrounded by palm trees right before he opened the door.

The brisk air actually felt nice as he stepped out onto the grass and he let out a breath as he finally felt like he could relax with how quiet it was out here.

He walked closer to the pool and could see the steam coming off of it and then he was sitting in one of the white lay-back chairs as he put his face in his hands. He would have been so much better if he would have just stayed at Ashton’s house and waited for him to come stumbling home drunk at around 4am like he did any other time he would go to parties. Ashton was such a cuddly drunk so Luke actually loved it when he drank cause it was easier to pretend that Ashton had feelings back for him. Luke felt like crying with how sad that really sounded and he groaned, feeling so miserable.

Luke began to think about just walking home. After all, it had only been a 10 minute drive but Luke looked up to the night sky and realized that that probably wasn’t the smartest idea with how late it was. Who knows what kind of weirdos wondered the streets at this time of night.

Luke jumped sky high when the back door was slamming open and he looked up from the blue colored pool to see a boy coming outside. He seemed harmless as he was just lighting the cigarette that was hanging out of the middle of his lips and then he was exhaling the smoke as he looked up at the sky.

From here Luke could see that he had some kind of purple colored hair under a black backwards snapback and Luke had never known anyone that had purple hair. People in his town just didn’t look like that but for some reason Luke was intrigued by the boys’ unique look. Purple hair must have sensed that Luke was looking at him because suddenly he was making eye contact with him and Luke cursed to himself before looking down.

“What the hell are you doing out here?” purple hair chuckled and spoke so casually like him and Luke had been friends for years but it was comforting, especially since Ashton had been so distant with him tonight; it was cool that someone was actually being friendly with him.

“Just had to get some air” Luke shouted across the yard to him and shrugged a bit.

“But the alcohol’s in there” Purple hair seemed to be smirking as he pointed a thumb back at the house and Luke just smiled before looking back to the ground since he didn’t know what to say to that. The next time Luke looked up he could see purple hair walking closer to him and usually Luke would feel scared because not many kids in his school liked him but he felt calm as the boy approached him “What, don’t drink?” and now that he was closer Luke could see that he had quite pretty features.

“Oh…” Luke snapped out of it “No…not really”

“Yeah me either” Michael said seriously as he brought a bottle of beer from behind his back and took a few sips which made Luke laugh and purple hair gave him a smile back. The boy was then setting the beer on the ground and then beginning to unbuckle his jeans which had Luke feeling a bit nervous.

“Uh…what-what’re you doing?”

“Well…” purple hair began “While you came out here to get some air; I came out here to have a smoke and a swim”

“It’s a bit cold don’t you think?” Luke said in a worried tone as he actually shivered again.

“Haven’t you ever swam at night?” purple hair raised his eyebrows and Luke just nodded.

“Well yeah” because him and Ashton swam at night in the ocean all the time.

“Well since the air is cold the water will feel really warm” purple hair was then stepping out of his jeans as he threw his shirt off himself and Luke felt himself gazing down at the boys pale torso. It wasn’t anything like Ashton’s tan and muscled stomach but he felt himself biting at his lip a little at the sight of it “So you coming in or not?” and Luke had no idea why but soon he was standing up and stripping down to his boxers as well. Purple hair dove into the pool first with such perfect technique that Luke thought he was one of those professional divers. Luke was only knew how to do a cannon ball so he did one of those and then he came out of the warm water to see purple hair smiling at him.

“I think this is the first time I’ve gotten someone out of their clothes without knowing their name first” purple hair said smiling and Luke laughed before putting a hand through his wet hair.

“It’s Luke”

“Michael” Michael said swimming backwards a little and then looking up at the sky “So, Luke, what brings you here tonight?” and Luke was then reminded of how shitty Ashton had made him feel ever since they left the house.

“The birthday boy is my best friend. I came here with him” Luke said quietly as he looked down at the water.

“The birthday boy…” Michael trailed off “Well I’m new in this town so I was unaware that there was even a birthday boy here” and Luke looked puzzled as he looked up “Caleb informed me that there was a party so I came” he shrugged and Luke realized that him and Michael were kind of in the same spot; Michael really didn’t know anyone in there either.

“Well how did you run into Caleb?”

“I’m his neighbor” Michael chuckled as he nodded to the right and Luke looked over to see a modern looking grey house next door that was even nicer than Caleb’s.

“His neighbor” Luke drifted off as he examined the house next door. He had only seen houses like that in movies and he couldn’t help but notice that Michael didn’t exactly have that “rich boy” vibe about him, which was a good thing. Caleb for sure had that vibe and he was a total asshole. Luke hadn’t known Michael for very long but he seemed like a nice guy.

“That’s right” Michael chuckled a bit and Luke snapped out of it and then he was looking back at Michael who had his lips under the water as he just hovered above the water. It seemed like his eyes were almost glowing from the pool lights and Luke forced himself to look elsewhere.

“I t-think I’m gonna go in” Luke said as he shivered when his shoulders came out of the water a little bit and he seen that Michael was nodding as he was already swimming towards the edge of the pool.

They dried off the best they could and got dressed in silence and then Luke was feeling a bit awkward because he didn’t know where they went from here. Would they just go their separate ways when they got inside? Luke hoped not because he really didn’t have anyone else at this party that he could hang out with since Ashton was clearly too busy to spend time with him.

It seemed like Michael was about to say something after he had shook off his wet hair a bit but then there was some yelling coming from the house and both boy’s looked to where the noise was coming from. Luke could see the big kitchen window from where he was and there was a large group of people walking into the room.

Soon there was a couple girls carrying this big cake that seemed to have a hundred candles on it. Ashton was only turning 17 after all, so Luke had no idea why there was so many candles.

“Looks like they’re singing to the birthday boy” Michael said looking away from the house and focusing on Luke and Luke just nodded, realizing that he really didn’t want to miss out on Ashton blowing out his candles.

“Yeah” Luke said sadly “Do you wanna head in there?” Michael was then lifting up the beer bottle from the ground and shaking it a bit.

“Yeah m’ empty anyways” he said and then he was already starting to walk towards the back door. Luke stood there for a few more seconds as he for some reason hoped to see Ashton in the window but he didn’t so he jogged to catch up with Michael right before he was opening the back door.

The silence and calmness from outside was gone as soon as Luke stepped onto the wooden floor inside the house and Luke already wished that he was outside again. He stuck close to Michael as he lead them towards the kitchen and Luke did at least feel a bit more safe when he had Michael with him and he tried to relax as they entered the kitchen.

“Happy birthday-“ everyone began to sing and Luke and Michael both leaned against the fridge that was away from where everyone else was.  
The cake was set on the big island counter in the middle of the kitchen and everyone was crowded around it. Luke expected to see Ashton right in front of the cake but he didn’t so he began roaming his eyes all over wondering where his best friend could be.

Soon enough the curly haired boy was being pulled from the crowd and then he was standing right in front of the candles. Luke felt himself flinching a bit when he seen him finally.

It was actually pretty dark in the kitchen except for the lights above the sink and the candle lights so Ashton’s face glowed from the lit candles in front of him. His hair was now under some big pink top hat that said “Birthday Boy” on it and Luke smiled a bit when he could tell that Ashton was a bit drunk as he swayed from side to side and had the biggest smile on his face. Luke remembered how just yesterday he made Ashton smile like that and he wished he was the reason for it now.

“Happy birthday dear Ashton! Happy birthday to you!” the song ended and Luke realized he hadn’t even sung along with how focused on Ashton he had been. Luke suddenly felt Michael’s eyes on him and he turned to see Michael looking at him with a curious gaze and it confused Luke. Luke raised his eyebrows a bit and smiled but Michael just looked at him for a few more seconds before looking away.

“Blow out your candles you bastard!” someone was suddenly yelling and Luke realized soon that it was Caleb who was sitting on one of the counters next to the sink with a small brown haired girl in between his legs. Luke watched as Ashton laughed as he looked back at Caleb and then he was blowing the candles out in one shot. Everyone of course cheered and Luke began to realize that he was probably the only sober person in this entire house.

The crowd began to thin out a bit as people lost interest and either went over to get more beer or just left the kitchen entirely. Luke and Michael stayed glue to the fridge though and Luke just looked at Ashton, begging for him to look back. Luke was aware that he had legs and could easily go walk over to him but he felt scared for some reason. Ashton was surrounded by three of his football buddies who didn’t even like Luke so Luke knew it probably wouldn’t go over too well if he joined them.

Ashton all of a sudden looked away from his friends and just scanned his eyes all over the kitchen, almost like he was looking for someone and Luke’s face lit up a bit; he just hoped that Ashton was looking for him.

He realized that he had been right when Ashton’s eyes landed on him and Luke actually felt his heart speeding up as the curly haired boy smiled wide and put his hand up as he moved his index finger in the “come here” gesture. Luke bounced on his heels a bit and bit his lip as he smiled back then he was looking back at Michael who seemed to be glaring in Ashton’s direction.

“You coming?” Luke said happily and Michael just shrugged so Luke began to walk towards Ashton and looked back briefly to see that Michael was following him. Luckily it was only Ashton and Caleb now and Luke figured he would be okay around the other boy.

“Where you been?” Ashton said with a chuckle and Luke relaxed when he realized that the snippy Ashton from before was completely gone and the old Ashton was back “And why’s your hair all wet, bud?” Ashton said reaching out and running a quick hand through Luke’s damp hair and Luke had to force himself to not lean into the touch and close his eyes.

“Went for a swim” Luke shrugged and he got a bit closer to Ashton when Ashton looked away from him and focused on Caleb as the boy let out a laugh as he was looking at his phone. Luke already desperately wanted Ashton’s attention back. Luke looked up to see Michael lingering beside him and he was again giving him a curious look. Luke was about to introduce the purple haired boy to his best friend but then he seen that Caleb was getting a smirk on his face as he looked up at Ashton and Luke got a worried feeling in his stomach.

“Ash are you seeing anyone?”

“Hell no” Ashton let out a laugh as he fixed the ridiculous hat on his head and Luke didn’t like how Ashton seemed like he was completely putting down the idea of dating. It’s not like Luke thought he had a chance of ever dating Ashton but Ashton not liking the idea of settling down still made him feel uneasy. Ashton was the random hook up type and Luke wasn’t; sometimes it was easy for Luke to push away yet another reason why him and Ashton wouldn’t ever work out.

“I’ve got someone I’d like you to meet then” Caleb said as he walked towards Ashton and then he was grabbing the boy by the shoulders and pulling him away a bit.

“Ash” Luke said weakly but he knew Ashton didn’t hear him with the loud music in the living room. Ashton didn’t even spare Luke a glance as Caleb was pulling him towards the door of the living room and Luke felt like crying. He didn’t tear his eyes away from his best friend as Caleb put an arm around them and then luckily Ashton was turning his head back to Luke.

“Luke, stay out of the damn pool or else you’ll end up getting sick!” Ashton shouted back and Luke felt his face breaking into a smile and Ashton did the same back before he was disappearing out into the crowd of people just leaving Luke behind. Luke knew he couldn’t be too mad because at least Ashton had said something to him before he left but he still felt empty as he looked down at the tile flooring and leaned against the counter that Ashton had just been standing in front of.

“Best friend huh?” Michael’s voice made Luke jump because honestly he had forgotten that the purple haired boy was even there, as rude as it sounded. It was just easy for Luke to block everyone else out whenever Ashton was around.

“Oh…yeah” Luke put a hand through his hair “He’s just been acting…different today” Luke chewed on his lip and realized that he wasn’t telling the complete truth “Well he’s been acting different for the past couple months actually; just on and off. Some days he’ll be himself and other’s…it seems like he doesn’t even like me” and as soon as Luke let all that spill out he regretted it. He only met Michael tonight and already he was pushing all of this drama on him.

“You didn’t even want to come tonight, did you?” Michael said confidently and Luke looked at him shocked a bit at how Michael knew that “You only came here for him”

“Yeah…” Luke nodded and he flicked his eyes away from Michael for only a few seconds “And I feel like an idiot for being so desperate for his attention”

“You’re not” Michael said straight away and Luke did a soft smile before he was looking back to the floor. The music was slightly muffled while they were in the kitchen but it was still irritating Luke. He never liked any of the type of music that was played at parties and even if he did he knew he wouldn’t right now with how shitty he felt “Umm are you hungry?” and Luke looked up to see Michael actually sounding nervous.

“Actually yeah” Luke chuckled.

“Well I spotted some pizza in the other kitchen across the house” Michael said pointing to the door and Luke just nodded as he followed him.

“But why do they have two kitchens?”

“They must like food a lot” Michael smiled back at him before opening the door and the music was hitting them as they stepped out of the kitchen. Luke could see the bright flashing lights from the huge living room that was under the balcony and he just stuck close to Michael was they walked through the large crowd of people. Luke would smile whenever Michael would glance back to see if he was still there and Luke always was…that was until something caught his eye and Luke stopped dead in his tracks in the middle of the living room.

In one of the hallways going off of the living room he could see the sideview of Ashton as the curly haired boy had one hand pressed to the wall and the other was on this blonde girls hips as she seemed to be way more into the kiss than Ashton was but Ashton was still touching her in a way that made Luke sick to his stomach.

He wanted to look away but he just couldn’t. He looked down as Ashton’s hand began to go under her shirt and he was slowly rubbing at her skin there before he was going down to kiss her neck and Luke actually bent over with his hands on his knees. He felt like he was going to throw up at any moment. He swallowed hard and tensed his jaw in attempt to stop the food he had earlier from coming up.

The feeling of sickness finally began to fade but now Luke felt like his heart was physically hurting as Ashton pressed his forehead to the girls and then went back to kissing her fiercely.

Luke nearly jumped out of his own skin when he felt a hand on his arm and whipped his head away to see Michael now pulling him through the crowd and Luke had no option but to just let Michael lead him away; it was for the best anyways because Luke was just growing closer to tears by the seconds.  
Michael only let go of his arm once they were walking down an empty hallway but he still didn’t look at Luke so Luke kept himself occupied by looking at all the paintings on the wall as they passed them.

Soon they were coming to a much smaller kitchen that was completely covered by wall to floor ceilings and it had a patio out the back of it. Luke seen the pizza boxes like Michael had said but he went straight to the fridge instead. Luke began to quickly push things out of the way looking for the one thing he needed more than anything; the one thing that would make him forget about everything he had just seen.

“Luke what’re you doing?” Michael said sternly and Luke just ignored him as he dug through the fridge. Finally he found a pack of beer towards the back and he grabbed the whole thing and then he was slamming it on the counter which caused Michael to jump. He ripped one can off of it and instantly opened it to start chugging it. It made him feel sick as soon as it went past his throat but Luke didn’t even care “I thought you didn’t drink”

“I need it” Luke said right after he swallowed the last of it and it caused him to begin coughing a bit.

“Why?” Michael said back quietly and it actually sounded like he was concerned now. Luke was opening a second beer and drinking half of it before he responded.

“Need to forget” Luke managed to get out but the words that came out made him feel like crying again “God, I fucking hate him!” Luke said way louder than necessary and he seen Michael flinch.

“Luke-“

“Let’s just drink” Luke said looking up at Michael and handing him a beer “Just drink with me…please?” Michael was looking down at the can like it was something that was going to give him some sort of disease but he took it none the less.

“Alright” Michael said tensing his jaw “I’ll drink with you, Luke” and Luke seen him forcing a smile so Luke smiled too. The quicker he drank the quicker he could forget about Ashton so Luke didn’t waste any more time.

  
*

Luke wasn’t even sure how much time had passed but now him and Michael were both sitting out on the patio with their feet on the table as they looked up at the stars. There were five empty beer bottles on the table and Luke wasn’t sure which were his and which weren’t but he knew he was starting to feel really happy for the first time all night.

“I don’t actually hate him” Luke mumbled and he didn’t even remember his brain telling his mouth to say those words but as soon as he heard himself he was reminded of why he started drinking in the first place and the happiness was gone “I don’t hate him at all…not even close” Luke whispered but then Michael was looking over at him.

“I know” Michael said as he patted him on the shoulder. Michael had looked back up to the sky by now but Luke just kept looking all over his face but his eyes stopped at Michael’s pretty lips and he had no idea why he just referred to Michael’s lips as “pretty”…maybe that’s because they really were.

“You have like…really nice lips” Luke shot out and in his alcohol induced brain he didn’t even feel embarrassed for saying it. Michael let out a laugh and looked back to Luke as he raised his eyebrows.

“Do I?” he smirked and Luke bit his lip as he became even more desperate to kiss this guy that was practically a stranger. He had only met him a couple hours ago.

“Yeah…you do” at that Michael was looking at him again and Luke kept looking down at his red lips. He had never made the first move on anyone before but tonight he was feeling like he could. Michael hadn’t turned away from him and that was a good sign so Luke decided to just go for it. He got even closer to Michael and then looked up to see if there was any doubt in his eyes…there wasn’t. In one move Luke leaned forward and brought Michael’s lips against his own. He began moving his lips and Michael didn’t kiss him back right away, almost as if he was forcing himself not to but then all of a sudden he gave in and he was putting his hand on the back of Luke’s hair and kissing him more intensely.

“Luke we- fuck” Michael was cut off when Luke backed away from his lips and began sucking a mark on his neck right below his ear “I shouldn’t be kissing you”

“Why?” Luke mumbled as he put kisses down Michael’s jaw and Michael took deep breath in.

“You’re drunk…and I don’t want to take advantage of you”

“You’re not” Luke said kissing his neck once more then he was facing him “I want this…please just-“ Luke closed his eyes and forced himself not to get emotional again “Just let me forget about him…for one night” For years Luke had thought about Ashton almost 24/7 and for once he wanted to be able to enjoy himself with someone else.

It sounded rude but he needed Michael to forget about Ashton; even though it would only be temporary. Michael’s eyes seemed to get wider at that and then he closed them before breathing in deeply. Luke was trying to figure out what Michael was thinking as he flicked his eyes all over his face. Luke melted into the touch when Michael brought his hand up to put it through the front of Luke’s hair then he felt himself smiling when Michael nodded.

*

All that could be heard in the dark room upstairs was their heavy breathing and the sound of Michael unzipping Luke’s pants as he straddled him. Luke couldn’t see much but he could make out the right side of Michael’s face as the lights from outside were shining on it. After Michael got Luke’s and his own jeans off he was leaning down and sucking marks on Luke’s neck as he began to grind into him, making Luke moan out. This wasn’t Luke’s first time doing something like this but with how long it’s been and with how close Luke already was it actually felt like his first time.

“You good?” Michael said as he pressed his forehead against Luke’s while he lightly rubbed at the skin right above Luke’s boxers and Luke just nodded quickly. It was very rare that anyone other than Ashton ever stood out to him but Luke really couldn’t get over the beautiful features that Michael had; from his bright green eyes that just reeled you in to his full red lips.

Luke hadn’t even noticed that his boxers were off until Michael began to pump a slow hand on him and Luke let out a breath and squeezed his eyes shut at the contact.

He opened his eyes again when he began to think about Michael’s soft lips again and he watched as Michael bit and licked at his lips as he concentrated on getting Luke off. Luke finally couldn’t stand it any longer and he sat up and put both hands on Michael’s cheeks as he lifted his face up and brought their lips together again. Michael seemed shocked at first at the sudden movement but then he was kissing Luke back just as frantically as he sped up the hand on his dick.

Luke moaned into the kiss when Michael rubbed his thumb around the head and then across the slit. Luke slowed down the kiss a bit as he reached into Michael’s boxers and started pumping a hand on him too and Michael instantly let out a beautiful whine; Michael was just doing such a good job at getting him off so it was only natural that Luke wanted to return the favor.

They were both jerking each other off in fast motions and Luke was feeling so close and so out of breath with how good it felt so he stopped kissing Michael and pressed one more peck to his lips before leaning his head against the boys’ pale shoulder. Luke kept pressing kisses to the skin there, just needing to kiss him, as he breathed heavily and was fucking up into Michael’s hand.

Luke still kept jerking Michael off too and he loved all the beautiful noises that Michael was making above him. Luke realized that not even once had he thought about Ashton, the boy he was so in love with it hurt, but then the thoughts began rolling in.

He began to think about how Ashton looked in the early morning light; the way his hair looked golden and his bare back looked even more tan that usual. He thought about the way Ashton would walk around shirtless all morning and the way his stomach muscles would tense up whenever he laughed and the way his smile seemed to show all the way up to his eyes. He thought about the rare occasions when Ashton would gently touch him on the arm when he would walk by or the way he would ruffle his hair. It was only then that Luke felt the familiar feeling in his stomach beginning to form and he remembered where he was.

When he came a few seconds later he bit into Michael’s skin and the boy let out a stuttered breath at that so Luke licked at the bitten skin before slumping against him. Once he came down from his high he started pumping a hand quickly on Michael again but then he smirked to himself. He took his hand off the boy and he could feel Michael’s curious eyes on him as he picked his head up and backed away a little. Luke was then laying on his stomach and resting his weight on his forearms and he surprised Michael when he started to lick stripes up the underside of his dick.

He looked up at Michael who was still sitting on his knees but now he had both palms on the bed as he leaned back and had his head thrown back. Luke then started to suck on the tip in a fast motion and made sure to use his tongue a lot. He had done this enough times to know how to make the other person feel good. Every other time he had done this it was only to get his mind temporarily off Ashton but Luke knew that’s why he was doing it this time too. Despite using Michael a bit he actually really liked hanging out with him and he hoped that this wasn’t some one night stand where he wouldn’t ever get to see Michael again.

When Luke started to take more of Michael in he heard Michael let out a loud moan that ended in a few whines and Luke needed to hear him do that again. Luke went down lower, to the point where he was almost gagging, and he sped up his pace which was bringing Michael even closer.

Only a few minutes went by before Michael was tugging on Luke’s hair and attempting to say his name between heavy breathing as he came down Luke’s throat and Luke swallowed it all and sucked him through his high.

After Luke pulled off he rested his cheek on Michael’s thigh and then closed his eyes. He soon felt Michael’s hand carding through his hair and he let out a content sigh as he felt the tiredness hitting him.

*

It was close to 15 minutes later when one of them spoke again. They were both lying on their backs in the bed as they started up and watched the shadows on the ceiling. Luke was still feeling out of breath and the memory of what he had seen Ashton doing downstairs were already coming back to him and he hated it; he hated himself for being so worked up about it when there was no way in hell he would even ever have a chance to be more than friends with Ashton. Luke knew that he was lucky to even be friends with him. Ashton was so on this whole other wavelength than him and Luke always felt so special whenever he was with him; even during these past few months when Ashton hadn’t been himself.

“I know what you’re trying to do” Michael spoke softly and Luke looked over at him but Michael still didn’t make eye contact. He was scared that Michael felt used because there was no question about it that Luke was using him to forget about Ashton; after all, he had told Michael exactly that when they were out on the patio “Cause I’m doing the same thing” and those words shocked Luke. He was so caught up with trying to push away his thoughts of Ashton that he didn’t even think that maybe Michael was going through the same thing.

He did feel like him and Michael were connected in some way when he first met him out by the pool and Luke realized that this was what they had in common; they both loved someone they couldn’t have.

Luke was then rolling his stomach and pressing his face into his pillow as he faced Michael.

“Are you in love with your best friend too?” Luke wasn’t sure why he whispered that like it was some sort of secret.

“No” Michael did a sad smile as he still looked up at the ceiling “We’re not friends…he probably thinks I’m just some spoiled brat”

“Why would he think that?” Luke asked confused because Michael didn’t give that vibe off at all.

“He works for us” Michael said simply “He’s our pool boy and he probably thinks that just because I have money that I’m some jerk who has his head up his ass”

“Well you’re not like that at all” Luke said quickly because it was true “Have you talked to him?” and it was then that Michael briefly looked at him as he shook his head “no” “Well if you talked to him then he would see that you aren’t like that”

“I just…I can’t” Michael let out a breath and rubbed a hand over his face and Luke watched the way his arm tensed when he moved it “I see the way he looks at me; whenever I go out back when he’s working he just never looks up at me. It’s like he thinks he’s not allowed to just because he works for us. I wish he’d look at me though cause, fuck, he’s so beautiful” and Luke felt himself smiling at those words. He loved hearing Michael talk about this boy.

“What’s his name?” Luke wanted to know so much more about this boy that Michael was in love with.

“Calum” and Luke didn’t miss the way that Michael’s cheeks reddened when he said the name. Luke just hummed and pressed his face further into the pillow as he breathed out “You ever gonna tell the birthday boy how you feel?” Luke felt his stomach dropping at those strong words

“It’s not his birthday anymore” Luke smirked after looking at the clock and seeing that it was after 1am and Michael just shook his head as he smiled.

“Fine…but are you?” Michael looked at him and Luke bit his lip as he looked down at the sheets.

“No” he mumbled. Luke felt like he couldn’t ever tell Ashton how he felt. Ashton seen him as a friend and nothing more and Luke was sure that would never change.

“What, so you’re just going to bottle up your feelings for the rest of your life and watch Ashton, someday, fall in love with someone that isn’t you?” Michael said it so bluntly and the words left Luke feeling empty as he felt his eyes getting wet. The words hurt and he knew Michael was trying help but right now Luke felt like he wanted to just run out of the room and never see Michael again.

“It’s not that simple” Luke mumbled then he felt himself getting angry “And you have no room to talk. You can’t even talk to guy you like” Luke knew that was a harsh blow but he felt terrible right now and it was easy for him to lash out when he felt so depressed.

“You’re right; I’m a total hypocrite” Michael said in a dull tone before he rested his arm above his head “But I’ve only known Calum for a year. I can tell just by the way that you look at Ashton that you’ve known him for much longer”

“Yeah…” Luke said calming down as he put a hand through his hair “Since I was 13”

“13” Michael breathed out “Jesus Christ”

“I know” Luke said “He’s pushing me away though; I can feel it”

“Do you know why?”

“I don’t know…he’s probably realizing that I don’t fit in his life. I hated how he was being with me before the party tonight…I fucking hated it”

“You need to just talk to him. He obviously cares about you more than you even realize”

“It doesn’t feel like it” Luke mumbled and he closed his eyes, just wanting this conversation to end already. He liked talking to Michael but just not about something this heavy.

“You’ll figure it out, Luke” was the last thing that Michael said to him before they both started dozing off. Luke hoped that he would dream about Ashton but he knew he always did. In his dreams Ashton was in love with him too and Luke always woke up feeling like he got a taste of a life he’ll never have.

*

The first thing Luke registered when he woke up was the sound of a lawnmower outside and the feeling like he was roasting to death under the blanket as the sun shined on him. Luke grumbled and threw his blankets off without even opening his eyes and then he was slumping back into the pillow.

He felt his head beginning to throb soon after that and Luke put one arm over his head in hopes that it would go away. His mom used to tell him to put light pressure on his head whenever he had a headache but this must have been a different kind of headache because it was just not going away and it only seemed to get worse. Luke let out an in pain whine as he tried to take deep breaths and then his eyes flew open when he felt a hand on his arm.

The purple haired boy was still lying next to him and must have just put his arm out in his sleep because his eyes were still closed and he was letting out heavy breaths as his lips were slightly parted.

Luke looked down at Michael’s hand that was still on his arm and he felt comforted even though Michael wasn’t even aware that he was doing it.

Luke flinched when there was a door slamming hard downstairs and then a few loud voices that Luke couldn’t place. It was probably Caleb and the other hung-over people that had stayed over. This was Luke’s first time being hung-over and he wasn’t loving it; in fact he felt like he didn’t want to pick up an alcoholic beverage ever again with how awful he felt right now.

He felt like death was near when he rolled over on his back and his stomach felt like someone was repeatedly punching it. His throat was the driest it’s ever been and he still felt like he was in a sauna with how bad he was sweating. Luke now felt so much more sympathy for all the times that Ashton came home hung-over. He felt bad for always making Ashton get out of bed when he was feeling like this.

“There you fucking are!” the loud voice came from the doorway and Luke jumped sky high and his eyes flew back open as he stared at the figure in the doorway “Do you even know how much Ashton was freaking out last night?” Caleb’s voice still didn’t get any quieter and Luke was actually beginning to think that the boy was going to hurt him.

“W-what?” Luke managed to get out. He still had no idea what Caleb was talking about.

“You just disappeared last night and Ashton called you fucking 100 times. I had to deal with him practically having a panic attack with how worried he was about you” and Luke remembered that Ashton had always been overprotective of him and he felt like a dick for not at least calling Ashton last night before he fell asleep. He was then looking to his phone on the bedside table and when he turned it on all he could see was a black screen.

“My ummm…my phones been dead” Luke knew it was a stupid excuse but it was all he had. He could have easily used Michael’s phone to call Ashton but last night Luke had talked himself into thinking that Ashton didn’t even give a shit about him if he was kissing that girl.

At that Caleb just rolled his eyes, like Luke expected him to, and then he was looking down to his phone and typing away at it.

“Where is Ash?” Luke had to know.

“He’s at home. I had to force him to go home and get some rest cause he probably would have searched the whole city for you last night” and Luke felt himself smiling at that. Ashton would search the whole city for him; Ashton cared for him a lot and Luke had to keep reminding himself that just because Ashton kissed other people it didn’t mean that Luke meant nothing to him. They were friends; best friends and no one could come between that “And you!” Caleb shouted, making Luke jumping again as he could see Caleb point a finger at Michael. Luke looked to see Michael’s eyes just barely opened as he was now lying on his back. Luke could tell that the boy had been awake for a few minutes now “You better get your ass out of here before Ashton get’s here cause he’d probably kick your ass if he found you in bed with Luke” Caleb chuckled a bit but Michael was just rolling his eyes and looked down at the blankets “I mean it, Michael”

“Okay okay” Michael said sitting up but he immediately grabbed his head with both hands and clenched his eyes shut. Luke felt bad because he didn’t want Michael to leave but what Caleb said was making sense. Ashton would freak if he found Luke in bed, naked, with another boy.

Back when Luke was dating on a regular basis Ashton always hated the guys Luke went out with no matter how nice they were. According to Ashton there was something wrong with all of them but in the end he was always right. Luke felt like the only person who was right for him was Ashton so it was only natural that none of the people in the past worked out.

“Hey I found Luke” Caleb spoke and Luke looked away from Michael who was putting his pants on to see Caleb with his phone up to his ear “He was upstairs in my guest bedroom” there was a pause and Caleb looked nervous as he bit on his lip “No uh…he’s alone” Caleb lied and Luke watched him cautiously as he paced a bit in the room “Alright I’ll see you soon” he shot out and then he was pocketing his phone and looking back to Luke with a glare before he was leaving the room. Luke stared at the place that Caleb had been standing for a few more seconds before he was focusing on Michael.  
Michael was now in his jeans from last night as he was putting his shirt over his head and then running a hand through his hair.

“Ashton won’t actually kick your ass” Luke said, even though he honestly wasn’t 100% sure of that, just because he didn’t want Michael leaving like this.

“Well I’d rather not chance it” Michael said in a rough voice as he looked up at Luke and did a slight smile but it was gone in an instance “I gotta get going anyways, Luke”

“I don’t want you to just leave” Luke said but he cringed at how needy he sounded.

“Well this is usually how these things go” Michael chuckled but this time he didn’t look up as he put his phone in his back pocket.

“I guess” Luke sat up and started messing with a string on the blanket. He only looked up when he felt Michael ruffle his hair and Michael was smiling down at him as he put both hands in his pockets.

“And good luck with Ashton” he said and Luke knew he was talking about telling Ashton how he felt and not how mad Ashton was going to be when he got here. Right now Luke was actually more scared about the second one.

“Good luck with Calum” Luke smiled and Michael just rolled his eyes away while trying to fight a smile. He began to walk away and Luke watched the purple haired boys’ every move. He had only just met Michael but he felt himself feeling sad at the thought that he might never get to hang out with him.

“Bye Luke” Michael waved over his shoulder.

“Bye” Luke said sadly as he silently begged Michael to look back at him at least one more time but he never did.

*

Luke was sitting at the island in the kitchen not knowing what to do with himself as he taped at the counter. Luke wasn’t sure how long he laid up in bed thinking about the night he shared with Michael but he finally dragged his ass downstairs.

Luckily Caleb was being nicer to him than he was earlier and even offered him a cup of tea; which was what Luke was sipping at when he seen Ashton turn sharply around the corner into the kitchen like he was in some huge hurry to see if Luke was okay.

He was out of breath when his eyes landed on Luke and Luke felt his heartbeat picking up whenever Ashton looked at him so intensely. His hair was a mess like it always was when he first woke up and he was in black basketball shorts and plain white shirt that fit him snuggly and Luke felt himself swallowing hard. He hated how Ashton looked good no matter what because it made it that much harder to ignore his feelings for the curly haired boy.

Ashton still stood in the doorway staring Luke down and Luke made himself look down as he pretended to be stirring his tea. He knew how mad Ashton was at him and it made his skin crawl.

“Ash you look like shit, man” Caleb said and Luke gritted his teeth “You should eat something”

“No” Ashton said sternly and Luke looked to see even Caleb looking scared “We’re leaving” Luke didn’t need Ashton to tell him twice, especially with how upset he already was, so he stood up and began walking towards his best friend. He could feel Ashton glaring at him but he didn’t dare look up. He walked through the still messy house and he could feel Ashton walking a few steps behind him. Ashton hadn’t even said bye to Caleb and that made Luke realize even more how upset he was.

When Luke got into the hot air his headache seemed to be coming back but he prayed that it wouldn’t; he was feeling shitty enough right now without the physical pain.

Luke was in the car by himself for a few seconds before Ashton was walking in front of the car and getting in the driver’s seat and Luke watched his every move.

Ashton was as emotionless as a statue as he started the car and usually Luke could read him but right now he couldn’t. He understood that Ashton was upset that he didn’t call him but it seemed like it was something more because Ashton was straight up furious if he wasn’t even talking. Before Luke was scared of Ashton yelling him but now he actually wanted him to because he was starting to get really worried that Ashton wouldn’t ever again even though he knew that was a stupid thought; of course Ashton would talk to him again.

Luke looked at the phone charger for a few minutes, honestly feeling scared to move with how tense the atmosphere was, before he finally grabbed it and plugged the cord into his phone.

It didn’t take long for it to charge to where he could turn it on and Luke instantly seen the 10 missed calls from Ashton and the couple texts he sent him.

Ashton (2:17am)  
_Hey man where you at? Haven’t seen you all night_

Ashton (3:05 am)  
_Luke_

Ashton (3:06 am)  
_LUKE_

Ashton (3:50 am)  
_I’m sorry for being a dick before we left to the party. I was like the biggest dick and I’m sorry_

Ashton (3:51 am)  
_The last thing I said sounded weird I’m drunk I don’t know but I am sorry_

Ashton (4:10 am)  
_Lukey I’m sorry…I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I know I haven’t been myself lately_

Luke felt himself reading the last text over and over. So even drunk Ashton was aware of how badly he treated him before the party and that made Luke feel better. He would rather hear the apology in person, although he knew there was no way in hell he was getting it right now. He looked over to see Ashton tensing his jaw and looking at something in the rear view mirror. The silence was honestly killing Luke and he couldn’t stand it.

“Ash” Luke said quietly, not even knowing what else he was going to say but he needed to say something to get Ashton’s attention. Ashton took a few seconds but he was then looking at Luke with raised eyebrows and Luke started to regret not planning out what he was going to say “Ummm” Luke bit at his lips “I’m sorry. I should have called you last night” Ashton just nodded twice slowly before he was looking back to the road and that wasn’t what Luke wanted at all.

“Do you wanna tell me what the hell is on your neck?” Ashton’s sharp voice came suddenly as he never looked away from the road and Luke felt so confused. He began feeling around his neck and then his fingers stopped on an obvious rough patch that he knew was a purple color. He remembered Michael sucking on that exact spot last night and he remembers how good it felt. He pushed away those sexual thoughts of Michael when he was sitting next to Ashton, the boy he loved more than anything.

“Ummm…it’s uh…it’s nothing I just-“

“Who gave you it?” Ashton’s demanding voice was making Luke not even want to be in the car with him and Luke never felt this scared around Ashton; if anything Ashton always made him feel safe.

“You don’t know-“

“Who was it, Luke?”

“His name was Michael” Luke mumbled out, hoping that Ashton would somehow mishear the name. The last thing he wanted was Ashton finding out who Michael was and going to his house and actually beating his ass or something. Michael didn’t deserve that at all and Luke would feel so bad if that happened.

“So you, what? Just messed around with some guy you barely even know?” Ashton barked out at him and finally looked to Luke. Luke started to feel angry rather than scared and the words just tumbled out of him.

“Oh so you can hook up with whoever you want but I’m not allowed to? The girl you were with didn’t exactly look like a fucking nun, Ashton” and Luke knew that was stupid because he didn’t even know the girl but he was just so upset. He had to witness Ashton kissing a girl last night and the thought of it still made him sick to his stomach. Ashton looked at him shocked with his lips slightly parted like he couldn’t believe that Luke seen him kissing her. Ashton bit at his cheek and looked past Luke before he was looking back to the road.

“Did you sleep with him?” Ashton’s voice was drastically softer than before and this time it sounded like he was begging for Luke to tell him instead of demanding it. Luke just sat there silently studying the way Ashton flicked his eyes everywhere but at the boy next to him as he rubbed his tongue against his cheek.

“Yeah” Luke said quietly like he regretted it. It felt amazing and Michael was so good to him but Luke still wish it could have been Ashton. If only Ashton knew the reason he did it. If only Luke could tell him the truth. Luke swallowed hard and begged himself to hold it together when he said the words he was thinking about saying out loud. Ashton was still looking like he was vulnerable so Luke just went for it “Did you sleep with _her_?” Ashton looked down at his lap and then gripped the steering wheel before he was looking at Luke and Luke felt his chest getting heavy at Ashton’s sad eyes.

“Yeah” he said back just as plainly as Luke had and Luke hoped that Ashton regretted it for the same reason that he did. Maybe Ashton slept with her to forget about Luke but Luke wished he could kick himself for thinking about something so impossible. Ashton slept with her because she was beautiful and not him and it was as simple as that, Luke kept telling himself.

Luke looked up from his lap and looked for marks on Ashton’s skin but found none, he was hoping that there wasn’t any because Luke didn’t need any more reminders of what he seen last night. He couldn’t get the way Ashton touched her out of his head and it was driving him insane. When Michael was around it was easier to not think about Ashton but now that he was gone Luke had no distractions and it was killing him.

Ashton was looking back at the road now and Luke just wished they could get to his house already. He wasn’t sure what would happen when they did get home but all Luke really wanted to do was sleep. It was past noon but Luke was quite hung-over with how much of a light weight he was. He remembered now why he never drank.

*

The house was of course empty when they walked in and Luke followed Ashton without a word as they stepped through the breezeway and then into the living room. Ashton was keeping his back to Luke as he put both hands on his head and Luke’s eyes turned against him as they drifted down to the exposed skin at the bottom of Ashton’s back. Luke felt so desperate sometimes with how badly he just needed to see every inch of Ashton that he could. He even found himself just staring at the boys’ hand sometimes when he would hand him things. Luke really needed to start getting a grip on himself.

“Do you wanna sleep?” Ashton said turning around to look at him.

“Yeah” Luke really did want to.

“You can have my bed then” he said gesturing towards the stairs “I’ll take the couch” Luke was about to object but Ashton was already sitting on the couch with a thin blanket on his lap as he got ready to lay down. Usually he and Ashton would just share a bed so Luke started to get worried again. Maybe he just figured that Luke was mad at him and wanted his space…which wasn’t the case at all.

“I’m sorry” Luke felt like saying again because he really was. He was sorry for a lot of things.

“Don’t be” Luke could see Ashton shake his head as he moved on the couch so that his head was resting on a pillow “I was being a dick and ignoring you the whole night so I shouldn’t have gotten mad when you went off and did your own thing” which was right but with Luke being Luke he just didn’t want Ashton feeling bad about it.

“It was your birthday and I was fine by myself” Luke said shrugging, even though he knew Ashton couldn’t see him.

“God damn it Luke, stop making excuses for me” Ashton said sharply as he quickly glanced at him after he spoke and Luke physically flinched at the words, this whole thing where Ashton was always raising his voice at him was so new to Luke and he had no idea how to take it. Ashton seemed to calm down a bit as he ran a hand through his hair “I was an asshole” he spoke more quietly and he seemed so ashamed that Luke wanted to hug him so badly and it was then that Luke wanted to tell him that he wasn’t an asshole. He wanted to tell Ashton how beautiful of a person he was and how much he meant to him but instead Luke just blinked while looking at the floor. He was so exhausted that he could almost fall asleep standing up but he just didn’t want to be away from Ashton right now…or ever really but he was feeling especially clingy right now.

“I want you to know that I could never be mad at you” Luke spoke quietly but he knew Ashton heard him by the way he slightly turned his head that was resting on the pillow but he still didn’t look at Luke. He watched as Ashton closed his eyes and Luke was worried that he had just given up on talking to him and decided to just sleep but then he was opening his eyes again and cranking his head back to look at Luke.

It seemed like hours that they just stared back at each other and Luke swore he really could stare into Ashton’s eyes for hours, even when he was exhausted as he was. Ashton looked away first and then he was bringing the blanket up to his chin as he got more comfy.

“Get some sleep, Luke” Ashton said sternly and Luke took that as his cue to leave but he still found himself staring at Ashton for a few more seconds before he put himself out of misery and started walking up the stairs. He didn’t know how to take Ashton’s silence but he prayed that it was for a good reason; like he was shocked at how honest Luke was being. Luke wasn’t sure but he was sure that he had to fight back hard to not just turn around and straddle Ashton and kiss him until he couldn’t breathe.

Luke was so tired of being awake and having these feelings and it was times like these that he wished he could hate Ashton; wished that he could be mad at him like a normal person would after how shitty and demanding Ashton had been to him in the car and after how distant he had been before the party. Luke realized that he wasn’t normal though because most people weren’t in love with their best friends and he felt like he was so fucked. It could only get worse from here because every day he felt like he fell for Ashton even harder than the last.

*

When Luke woke up from his nap and went downstairs things somehow were even more tense than what they were earlier.

Luke was sitting at the counter eating cereal when Ashton came dragging himself into the kitchen without even acknowledging him; which in a way was probably a good thing because Luke’s eyes were glued to Ashton’s now shirtless torso as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

Luke watched as he took a few sips of it then he was leaning against the counter next to the fridge, still not looking up at Luke and Luke started to feel like he didn’t even belong in Ashton’s house; which was the first time he’s ever felt like that. Luke cleared his throat in hopes of at least getting Ashton to look up at him but all Ashton did was take another sip of his coffee and then run a hand through his hair as he let out a breath.

“Are you feeling okay?” Luke knew that was a stupid question because Ashton was clearly hung-over but he just felt the need to say something to get Ashton to talk to him.

“Fantastic” Ashton grumbled and usually his sarcasm wouldn’t make Luke feel offended but it did right now since Ashton was being so cold and distant with him.

“I can ummm…” Luke swallowed hard and he hated himself for being so nervous right now but it was just that he didn’t even feel like he was talking to his best friend “I can make you French toast…you know, if you want” Luke knew that French toast was Ashton’s favorite food and he even loved eating it when he wasn’t feeling well so Luke felt like it was his only choice. Ashton almost seemed to be getting angry as he tensed his jaw and looked out the small window above the sink. Luke chewed on his lips as he waited for Ashton to answer and then the curly haired boy was shaking his head and Luke felt himself deflating.

“I don’t wanna eat” he mumbled and then he was turning to put his coffee cup on the counter before he was resting both palms on the edge of it and from behind Luke could see him drop his head like he was just looking at the floor. Luke felt like there was something else going on with Ashton that he didn’t know about because even when he was hung-over he never acted this depressed and on edge.

“O-okay” Luke said quietly as he forced himself to take a bite of his cereal just so he didn’t have to look at Ashton any longer because looking at his best friend like this was making him feel so useless; he just hated that he couldn’t do anything to make the boy feel better. Without looking up he could still tell that Ashton had turned around to face him and he was now looking straight at Luke. Luke felt a chill run through him under Ashton’s stare and he just wanted to know what his best friend was thinking but he just couldn’t read him.

Luke was almost glad when Ashton’s phone started ringing because it meant that this tense moment was over and he could finally breathe again. He went back to eating his cereal as Ashton grabbed his phone out of his pocket.

“Yeah?” Ashton said in a dull tone. Ashton looked exhausted with his messy hair and bags under his eyes but Luke still thought he looked so beautiful; he would always think that Ashton was beautiful and he was beginning to realize that that was more of a curse than anything; his inability to rid his feelings of Ashton “Oh hey” his voice suddenly perked up so Luke whipped his head up to see Ashton actually smiling. He wasn’t sure if it was a real smile or not but he was just begging for Ashton to look up at him so it would seem like he was smiling at him but Ashton kept his eyes glued to the floor as he was obviously listening to the person on the other line “Ummm...yeah I guess. I mean I’m not busy” his voice seemed unsure which made Luke feel a bit better.

Finally Ashton looked up at him and Luke hoped that his friend could see how sad he really was with how he was being treated but Ashton’s eyes just flicked away from him and Luke felt empty again

“Really? Yeah…that’d be awesome” Ashton was then taking another sip of his coffee and turning his back to Luke as he exited the kitchen and went down the hall. Luke let out a breath when Ashton was gone and wondered why he felt the need to have this phone conversation in private instead of in front of Luke; the person who he usually shared everything with.

After almost 15 minutes of not seeing Ashton anywhere in sight Luke was actually starting to get angry but mostly feeling like he was close to tears. He was so sick of always feeling so sad but he just couldn’t help it with how Ashton had been acting towards him.  
Finally fed Luke stood up from his stool and quickly washed his spoon and bowl before setting it on the counter and then making his way out of the kitchen. If Ashton wasn’t going to even act like he was here then Luke wanted to just go home. There was no point in staying here while Ashton had obviously made plans with someone else and would leave him anyways.

He quickly went upstairs to grab his phone, car keys and wallet before pocketing them and then he was glancing around Ashton’s room as if he wouldn’t ever see it again which made Luke feel like crying again. It almost made him just stay until Ashton told him himself that he wanted him to leave just so Luke could stay for as long as possible.

He quickly shook that thought away and knew that he had to force himself to leave. He couldn’t be here any longer with how terrible Ashton was treating him and he knew that he didn’t deserve that. Ashton was his best friend and he knew that Ashton cared about him but right now it really didn’t seem like he did and that thought made Luke sick to his stomach; the thought that maybe Ashton didn’t feel as close to him as he once did.

While Luke’s feeling for his best friend only got stronger by the day, Ashton just seemed to push him away more and maybe that was why it seemed like Ashton was shying away from him. Luke froze at the realization; maybe Ashton’s feelings for Luke had stayed the same but since Luke’s feelings for him only seemed to get more intense, it only seemed like Ashton was liking him less.

He felt himself actually getting a headache again at the over thinking and just settled on leaving like he intended to do when he came up here; he knew he had to if he didn’t want to get hurt any more today.

He fast walked out of the room and down the stairs and kept his eyes downwards the whole time in hopes that he would be able to keep his head in the same place if he just focused on leaving and nothing else. As he was stepping off the last step he ran into something solid and looked up to see Ashton coming around the corner.

“Whoa” Ashton said chuckling a bit and Luke felt like he could stay now that the glare that seemed to be permanently drawn on his face was entirely gone and he instead had a small smile on his face. The smile was gone within seconds though and Luke already missed it. He tried not to get too worked up over the smell of sweat and a hint of Ashton’s cologne as he was standing so close to him so Luke took a step back and looked down to the floor “Are you leaving?” Ashton almost seemed sad and Luke knew this was some kind of trick and he refused to fall for it. Ashton might be being nice to him right now but at any second he knew Ashton could totally turn his attitude around and go back to being distant with him and not even acting like they were friends.

“Yeah…I am” Luke looked Ashton right in the eye and tried to sound as confident as he could but he knew he failed when he stumbled on his words a bit.

“Well….” Ashton seemed confused like he couldn’t believe that Luke was leaving “You’re coming back later, right?” and Luke swore to god he was so close to just saying “fuck it” so he could just stay here. That was what he wanted to do so badly but that was his hearts decision. His head was telling him to leave and not let Ashton treat him like this anymore and for once he decided to listen to it.

“Why would I?” Luke snapped and he seen Ashton physically flinch which made him feel so bad but then he was taking a deep breath to push away his hearts thoughts “It seems like you have other plans for today anyways so I’m just gonna go home” Ashton just stared at him as he quickly blinked and he seemed to be looking all over Luke’s face like he was trying to figure him out.

“Is this…” Ashton looked down to the floor for a few seconds before looking back at Luke, looking more sad than before “Is this about last night?”

“No” Luke shook his head “It’s about right now. You’ve been so on and off with me lately and it’s driving me fucking insane” Luke said it; he got out what he’s been wanting to say for a while and Ashton of course wasn’t taking it well.

“I know” Ashton closed his eyes as he rubbed them with his thumb and pointer finger and Luke wanted to lean forward and hug him so badly “And I’m sorry” he whispered and Luke stepped closer to him and Ashton looked up at him again “I can tell Alexis that I have other plans and…and just you and me can hang out”

“Alexis…” Luke raised his eyebrows and Ashton hung his head like he was so ashamed “The girl you were with last night?” and Ashton just nodded, still not looking at Luke.

“Well you seemed pretty damn excited to hang out with her so I won’t get in the way of that” Luke felt his jealously coming out strong and he had to ball his fists up and grind his teeth together to avoid just yelling out how much he loved Ashton and how much he wanted to be with him.

Luke turned on his heels and was only able to take one step before he felt a hand on his wrist and even though it wasn’t exactly a comforting touch with how Ashton was gripping him it was still Ashton that was touching him so Luke felt his heartbeat picking up and actually liked how roughly Ashton was holding him. Luke swallowed down that nasty thought because now was not the time. Those thoughts were saved for when he was in his own bed, where no one would know that he got a boner thinking about his best friend and no one had to know that he always jerked off to the thought of Ashton touching him.

“Luke please” Ashton’s soft voice seemed to make him loosen his grip on Luke’s wrist too but Luke still faced away from him. He only turned around when Ashton let go of him completely and he hated how sad he was making Ashton right now; all because he wanted to leave.

“What do you want from me?” Luke whispered because he knew his voice would stutter if he talked any louder.

“I want you to stay” Ashton said sternly and with the way he was talking it seemed like Luke had no choice in the matter but Luke knew that he did. Ashton only spoke sternly like that when he was close to showing too much emotion and Luke knew that.

“It didn’t seem like you wanted me to earlier” Luke mumbled and he was referring to when they were both in the kitchen and Ashton just stood there sipping his coffee and acting like Luke wasn’t even there.

“I know” Ashton rubbed a hand over his face “And I know I’ve been a total asshole lately and-“

“Knock knock” came a high pitched voice and Luke froze when he seen the front door opening. He turned to see a girl with long blonde hair walking in wearing short denim shorts and a pink tank top and Luke had to force himself to not let out an annoyed groan at seeing her. It was Alexis…the girl who got to kiss the love of Luke’s life while having no idea how special and amazing Ashton really was. Luke hated that this girl, who barely even knew Ashton, got to kiss and be touched by him.

“Oh umm…hey” Ashton spoke and Luke was glad that he didn’t sound happy while talking to her like he did while he was on the phone.

“And you are?” she said in a friendly enough voice as she looked at Luke but Luke wasn’t having it. He was so done with this entire situation.

“Leaving” Luke said harshly as he didn’t even spare another glace at Ashton and started walking towards the already opened front door.

“Luke!” Ashton shot out right as Luke was stepping off the front porch but there was no way in hell that Luke was turning around, not when he was so close to finally making himself leave.

Luke walked fast to his car and swung the door open before starting his car. He didn’t move for a few seconds as he just gripped his hands hard on the steering wheel, just forcing himself not look up at Ashton’s house in fear that he would give in and just hoped that Ashton would send the girl home and then come running to Luke’s car, begging for him to stay and Luke knew that if Ashton did that then he would stay.

He could picture Ashton leaning his strong arms against the open window of Luke’s car as he stared at Luke with his beautiful eyes as he asked over and over if Luke would stay…but that didn’t happen at all. Luke looked up to see the front door being shut by Alexis and Luke was glad that he didn’t see Ashton still standing in the breezeway.

*

Luke got half way to his house when he realized that he didn’t want to go home at all. He knew he would just end up sitting on his couch in his silent house while the thought of Ashton danced on his brain. Ashton was always in his head no matter what so Luke was never safe from thinking about his feelings for the boy.

Right now though, Luke was thinking about new things as he drove through the 5pm bustle of the town.

He kept thinking about how sad Ashton looked when he was begging him to stay and now since it was over Luke had no idea how he turned away from him when he was looking like that. Several times as he drove down random streets he thought about turning around and going straight back to Ashton’s house and just telling him how he felt; telling him how much he was in love with him.

Maybe that would shake things up and make Ashton admit things too or it could completely ruin their already rocky friendship and Luke would lose his one and only best friend…and that was the thought that forced Luke to just keep driving further away from Ashton. He didn’t trust himself with Ashton right now since he was feeling like he really could admit his feelings out loud. He was feeling so brave and he wondered where all this was coming from but he didn’t want to find out either.

*

Luke didn’t even understand how or why but a half hour later he found himself parked in Michael’s driveway. This morning he swore that would be the last time he ever seen Michael but here he was now; sitting only a few feet away from where he lived. He could see the long flight of stairs that led up to a dark wooden floor area that led to the front door.

The dark gray colored house had five different rows of tall grass that led up to the very top and Luke was amazed at how beautiful the outside of the house really was. He felt eyes on him and suddenly looked over to see a man dressed in a white uniform just staring at him. Luke waved just to be friendly but the man just looked away and Luke realized it was their gardener when the man started to trim some of the bushes that were along the lower part of the house.

Luke finally got out of the car, still not knowing what he was even going to say to Michael but he just knew he couldn’t exactly stay sat in his driveway all day. He climbed the stairs and actually felt a little out of breath when he finally made it to the top. Luke looked over to see yet another gardener watering the flowers that were lined against a window further down from him and then he glanced further to the right to see an in ground pool that was in the shape of a circle. Luke shook his head in astonishment at how rich Michael really was and he finally rang the doorbell as he could hear it echo through the house.

A couple minutes went by and there was still no answer so Luke decided to ring it again. There was one car in the driveway so Luke was sure that at least one person was home so he was puzzled as to why no one was answering.  
Suddenly the front door was being swung open.

“What?” the purple haired boy spat out before he even properly looked at who was standing in his doorway and Luke just smiled a bit as he looked at Michael in just his boxers. Luke had seen him in a lot less but he still felt himself biting his lip while looking at his body “Luke?” he said sounding so shocked and Luke couldn’t blame him.

“Umm hi” Luke smiled again and realized that he at least owed Michael some sort of explanation “I just didn’t want to go home”

“Come in” Michael said opening the door further and then stepping aside and Luke was surprised at how easy that was.

As soon as he stepped inside he was even more amazed than he was outside with the high ceiling and the balcony that stretched above them that had spiral stairs coming off of it.

The entry way had white tiled flooring but out in the living room it was a dark grey like the outside of the house and the walls were a dark stone color. Luke only got knocked out of admiring the beautiful house when Michael was clearing his throat. Luke felt embarrassed as he turned back around but forced himself to say more “I know it’s probably weird that I’m here but I didn’t know where to go”

“Don’t umm…” Michael looked to the left and seemed to be distracted before he looked back to Luke “Don’t worry about it. Do you want a soda or something?”

“Yeah…sure” Luke said quickly because as weird as it seemed he just really like being in Michael’s house and he wanted to see more of it. Michael was then turning around and they were walking down this dark hallway but soon there was automatic lights flicking on as they walked past them.

At the end of the hallway the ceiling was high again and the entire kitchen had huge windows all around it just like the living room had. Again the colors in this room were dark like the rest of the house but it was still comforting and warm feeling.

Luke took a seat at the counter and watched as Michael grabbed two orange sodas from the fridge then made his way back to Luke. Luke took a few sips but he still could see how much Michael was off in his own little world and he began to wonder if something was wrong. Maybe it was wrong of him to come here, he thought.

“Are you okay?” Luke spoke and Michael looked confused “I mean…you seem really distracted”

“Yeah I’m fine” Michael shot out quickly but Luke wasn’t buying it “Fine I’m not” he said before letting out a sigh.

“Is it me? I mean if you want me to leave I will and-“

“Luke” Michael chuckled “It’s not you…and I don’t want you to leave”

“Then what is it?” Luke asked softly. He wanted to know Michael’s problems because he cared about the boy but it also meant that he could temporally forget about his own if he talked about Michael’s. Michael seemed to be thinking hard as he looked all over the room and then he seemed to decide on what he was about to say.

“Come with me” Michael said already walking away from the counter and Luke didn’t even hesitate to follow him.

They walked down more dark hallways until they were coming to this wide open area that had a piano and a whole other balcony stretching above them. Right in front of them there was a huge window that went two floors up and outside there was another pool with lots of flowers around it. “Jesus Christ, how many pools do you have?” Luke almost groaned because being at Michael’s house made him feel so poor.

“Three” Michael shot out like it was no big deal and then he was focusing on the slightly moving waters of the rectangle pool. Off to the side there was possibly the biggest hot tub that Luke has ever seen but the movement on the right side of the pool caused him to look away from it.

Luke’s eyes focused on the dark skinned boy who was holding a long net that was scooping up leaves that were floating on top of the pool. He was dressed in a light blue shorts and a shirt with the sleeves rolled up and Luke found himself looking at his muscular, but not too muscular, arms as he brought the net back to the stone flooring that surrounded the pool. It then hit Luke that he was looking at the boy who Michael was in love with “That’s him” Michael breathed out and Luke looked over to see the boy looking so love sick as he sucked on his bottom lip and never stopped moving his eyes with Calum’s movements.

“Did you get to talk to him today?” Luke had to ask but by the way Michael instantly frowned and looked to the floor he found his answer.

“No. I just stood here staring at him like I always do” Michael shook his head “He caught me staring a couple times and he probably thinks I’m the biggest creep ever”

“He wouldn’t think that if you told him why you were staring” Luke said simply but then Michael was slightly glaring at him.

“What am I gonna say, Luke? ‘Oh hey I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen…will you please let me take you out to dinner?’” Michael said quickly like he had thought about saying those words to Calum so many times “I don’t think that will go over too well considering that he barely even knows me”

“Well…” Luke didn’t mean to chuckle “Maybe just leave out the first part for now and just say the second part. Just ask him out for dinner…or maybe just ask him to have ice cream with you. No one can say no to ice cream” and Luke felt like he accomplished something when Michael actually smiled at what he had said.

“Ice cream huh?” Michael chuckled.

“Yeah” Luke shrugged then he was motioning his head towards the pool where Calum still stood with the net. Michael looked shocked at the action.

“You want me to go out there and ask him right now?”

“The longer you wait to talk to him; the harder it will get” Luke said simply cause God, was that true. He knew that it didn’t used to be this hard to tell Ashton how he felt. Now it seemed like every day he was getting further and further away from being able to tell Ashton his true feelings and he felt like time was running out. Michael seemed to be getting excited as he fixed his hair and then he laughed.

“I should probably get dressed first”

“I don’t know” Luke smirked “You look pretty damn hot right now so he’ll be less likely to turn you down” and Luke seen Michael blush a bit as he shook his head.

Michael was returning back to him a few short minutes later as he now wore a plain black shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans that fit his thighs snuggly. He looked good and Luke just really hoped this worked out for him. It was obvious that Calum meant the world to Michael and Luke knew that feeling all too well.

“Do I look okay?” Michael said nervously as he kept fixing his hair.

“You look great” Luke said honestly and he thought it was so cute how much this meant to Michael. Michael smiled wide but it quickly faded away when he looked outside again.

“Shit he’s getting ready to leave”

“You better hurry then” Luke nodded off towards the door and Michael took a deep breath before fast walking towards the door that led outside. Luke moved to sit on one of the couches next to the window so he could get a better view of Michael and Calum. Luke watched as Calum’s head picked up from his bag full of supplies as he seen Michael approaching him and he seemed almost scared just like Michael had said he acted whenever he would walk towards him.

Luke squinted a bit when Michael stopped right in front of the brown haired boy as he kept nervously rubbing his hands together. Luke never pegged Michael as a nervous person but he could see how much this Calum boy really got to him. Luke was the same way with Ashton though so he understood.

It was then that Luke began thinking about Ashton again and how he still wasn’t on good terms with the boy; it was killing him. He wondered what Ashton and Alexis were doing right now and the idea of them kissing again made Luke feel like throwing up. He still couldn’t get the look on Ashton’s face out of his mind as Ashton begged him to stay and his voice kept ringing in Luke’s head as Ashton called out after him. Luke should have turned back…he should have just pushed away what his head was telling him to do and just stayed at Ashton’s house and then maybe Ashton would have sent Alexis home.

Luke snapped back into it when he seen Michael jogging back to the house with the biggest smile on his face and it made Luke happy too. The purple haired boy opened the door then he was running towards Luke and squatting down a bit so he could wrap his arms around his shoulders. Luke laughed out and hugged Michael back.

“So it went okay?” Luke asked and Michael backed away from him.

“It went fucking great! Thank you so much for making me go out there, Luke” Michael seemed so excited and Luke loved seeing him like this “So I asked him out for ice cream just like you said and he just got the most gorgeous smile on his face then he said he wasn’t busy tomorrow and oh my god Luke I have a date with Calum tomorrow! I can’t fucking believe it and his voice is the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard like I swear I could listen to him talk all day” Michael rambled on and Luke put his hand on his chin as he listened intently to the boys’ every word, just soaking it all in “And I asked what ice cream shop he wanted to go to then he told me to surprise him, can you believe that? He said ‘surprise me’ in the most precious little voice and I almost lost it with how cute he is. Then he gave me his number. Oh my god I have his number, Luke!” Luke smiled wide as Michael only seemed to get more excited and he was actually out of breath with how fast he was talking.

“I’m so happy for you” Luke said and he was; he was so happy that Michael was finally getting a chance with the person he loved.

Luke just began to wonder when it would be his turn. He realized that Michael was getting a chance with Calum because he jumped…he jumped in the sense of doing something that he hadn’t ever done before and that’s when it hit Luke; if he jumped then maybe he would get a chance at love too. Nothing would change if Luke kept his feelings just bottled up, not saying anything to Ashton about them. He just couldn’t go on with all these trapped feelings any longer; he had to jump too.

*

The whole time while Luke was driving home he was thinking about how he would talk to Ashton about how he felt. First off he knew that he had to somehow get Ashton over to his house because there was no way he could have this conversation with him over the phone; he had to speak to him in person. Luke knew he had been a little bit of an asshole when he just marched out of Ashton’s house earlier, even after Ashton called after him but to be fair Ashton had been treating him shitty for weeks now and it was only a matter of time before Luke started to get fed up with it. Luke hoped that Ashton wasn’t mad at him because that would make trying to get him over to his house that much harder. Luke knew he would beg Ashton to come over if he had to though. He needed to get this off his chest and he knew he would feel much better after he did.

Of course Luke had no idea how Ashton would react. He didn’t know if Ashton would be upset and storm out of his house or if he would just be silent and try to tell Luke as nicely as possible that he didn’t feel the same way. Luke figured it would have to be one of those two things and he felt like he knew Ashton well enough to know that there was no way it would be the first one but with how Ashton had been acting lately he actually wasn’t positive that Ashton wouldn’t get upset at him. Luke knew he would be crying himself to sleep either way tonight but he also knew that he had to do this.

No matter how much it hurt him, Luke had to do this because the longer he waited the harder it would get. He had already waited long enough to do this considering that it had been years upon years since he fell for Ashton. Maybe Ashton would be upset that Luke didn’t tell him sooner but Luke would just have to tell him that he wasn’t sure how to because it was true; he didn’t know how to go about telling his best friend that he was in love with him and he hoped Ashton would be understanding of that.

Luke knew as soon as he seen Ashton tonight that he would be able to tell what kind of mood he was in and Luke hoped it was a good one. Maybe Ashton had a good date with Alexis so he was in a real happy mood now. In a way Luke hoped that the date was horrible and that Ashton decided to never go out with her again but that was just the jealous side of him. If Ashton was happy with her then Luke wouldn’t get in the way of that because he did want Ashton to be happy, even if it wasn’t with him.

Luke finally pulled into his driveway just as it was getting dark out but he found himself being glued to his seat as he stared up at his dark house. He knew his parents weren’t home, which was a good thing because he would rather have the house to himself if he had to talk Ashton. He wasn’t sure if Ashton would start yelling at him or something horrible like that so it was best that they were alone.

He started thinking back to Michael and how happy he was when he finally got a date with Calum. Luke wanted that so badly and even though he knew this talk with Ashton wouldn’t end in him getting to be with him Luke knew that it still had to be done.

As he stared at the green lawn he began to think back to all the days in middle school when him and Ashton would practice soccer until Luke’s mom was calling them into dinner and as soon as they were done with dinner they would go straight outside again and play until well after dark. Sometimes they wouldn’t practice at all though and they’d just lay in the cold grass and talk about anything and everything. Ashton would always tell Luke about the girls the liked in their grade and Luke would just nod and pretend that he was interested. Usually he loved hearing Ashton talk but, even back then, he hated hearing him talk about girls he liked. Luke didn’t understand it back then but it gave him such a sick and sad feeling and Luke just wanted Ashton to talk about them instead.

Luke soon realized that feeling was jealously when they went to their first dance in 8th grade and he remembers sitting alone on the bleachers as Ashton danced with some girl in the middle of the dance floor. Luke remembers following Ashton’s hand movements as he would now and then move his hands against her hips and he would stand even closer to her. Luke remembers wishing that Ashton would touch him like that and that was when his feelings for Ashton really started to worry him; that was when everything he felt starting making sense and Luke grew scared when he realized he was falling for his best friend.

Luke picked his head up, that he didn’t even notice letting fall to the steering wheel, as he realized that it was 8th grade when he realized he was in love with Ashton. It only took a year for him to completely fall for the curly haired boy and realize that he was it for him.

Luke took in a deep breath and forced himself to get out of the car, making sure to grab his phone so he could call Ashton and not put it off any longer. He knew he was just stalling when he stepped into his house and decided to just call Ashton while he was lying in his bed. He figured it would be easier to relax if he was in his comfy bed; plus if Ashton told him that he didn’t want to come over then Luke could just cry and fall asleep right where he was.

As he climbed the stairs he couldn’t help but feel like he had fucked up their entire friendship just by walking out of Ashton’s house when he clearly wanted him to stay. Luke couldn’t get the desperation of Ashton’s voice out of his head as he yelled Luke’s name. He started to think about what would have happened if he would have stayed. If he would have stayed then he wouldn’t have gone to Michael’s house and then he wouldn’t have gotten the courage to tell Ashton how he felt. In the end Luke realized that leaving Ashton’s house was the smart choice because he was finally about to do what he had wanted to do for years; he was taking the jump.

Luke opened the door of his room but he was immediately freezing in the doorway when he looked to his bed. Luke felt like all the air was being taken from him as he stared ahead of him and he had no idea what was going on. His room was almost pitch dark, except for the street lights creating streams of light on the floor and his bed so Luke got closer and then he was flicking his dim lamp on just to make sure that he was really seeing what he thought he was.

Sure enough Ashton was lying on his stomach still dressed in jeans and a plain red shirt as he had both his arms stuffed under Luke’s pillow that he always laid his head on every night. Ashton knew that Luke always laid on the left side of the bed and Luke felt himself smiling at seeing his best friend lay there. He realized that the reason he didn’t see Ashton’s car in the driveway was because he walked to Luke’s house. They only lived a mile from each other but Ashton hadn’t needed to walk to Luke’s house since before he got his license.

He was breathing in a slow rhythm as his mouth was closed and his hair was still perfectly styled. He wasn’t even under the blankets so Luke figured that Ashton didn’t mean to fall asleep. He looked so beautiful like this though and Luke couldn’t remember the last time that he got to watch Ashton sleep. As creepy as it sounded Luke just loved seeing how peaceful Ashton looked while he slept; loved seeing him breathe slowly and just look so innocent.  
If Luke tried hard enough he could pretend that him and Ashton were actually dating and that Ashton was in love with him too.

He sat on the bed with one of his legs under him and he didn’t even think about his movements as he let his heart lead his hand towards the curls on top of Ashton’s head. He started by just holding his hand on Ashton’s hair and Ashton still didn’t stir so Luke began to softly move his fingers under the hair and against the scalp, knowing that he loved when people did this to him. Luke wasn’t sure if it even counted since Ashton was asleep but this moment felt so intimate and it was the first intimate moment they were sharing. In a way Luke wanted Ashton to wake up but another part of him didn’t want him to because Luke knew he would have to stop touching Ashton if he did wake up.

Luke started to move his hand lower on Ashton’s scalp and began to rub his thumb against the skin on Ashton’s neck as he still moved his fingers in his hair. He almost felt like crying with how much he loved gently touching Ashton like this and he was scared he wouldn’t ever get to do it again.  
Luke froze his movements when Ashton let out a small grunt like he always did whenever he woke up but Luke just couldn’t force himself to remove his hand from Ashton’s hair. He instead moved his hand up again and began to just move his thumb a bit.

Ashton let out a breath when Luke started moving his fingers against his scalp again and Luke didn’t know if that meant that Ashton liked it or not but he didn’t stop.

“Stay with me” Luke tensed up when Ashton spoke while his eyes were still closed and Luke just moved his hand to brush the back of it down Ashton’s cheek just to let Ashton know that he wasn’t going anywhere and also because he was going to take advantage of Ashton letting him touch him like this. Luke felt so alive being able to touch him in this way “Don’t want you to leave again” Ashton whispered out and only then did his eyes start to flicker open. Luke tried not to look too shocked when Ashton’s eyes were red like he had been crying and Luke couldn’t stand the thought of Ashton being so hurt that he cried; Ashton never cried.

“I’m not leaving you” Luke said softly as he let his hand fall from Ashton’s cheek then he was resting his palm down on the bed. He didn’t know whether or not he was allowed to touch Ashton now that the boy was looking at him and he had to grip the sheets to force his hand to stay there. Ashton’s sad eyes were looking into Luke’s and Luke felt like he would cry if he had to focus on them any longer so he looked away and looked for a way to stall. He was going to tell Ashton how he felt but he just didn’t have the courage to do it right this second “Umm” Luke bit at his lip as he looked down at the bed sheets “How was your date?” he didn’t even know why he asked that but he just sat there hoping that Ashton was going to say that it was absolutely awful.

“It wasn’t a date” Ashton grumbled out and he seemed like he was getting angry again so Luke still didn’t look up “She had an extra ticket to see Blink-182 and that’s why I was excited; not because I wanted to see her again. I don’t give a shit about her” Ashton spoke the last sentence harshly but Luke felt himself smiling.

“But you still had fun right?” Luke said looking up and that just caused Ashton to shake his head and chuckle like Luke had just said something incredibly stupid.

“I didn’t go, Luke” and Luke widened his eyes “I sent her home right after you left my house”

“And….and you’ve been here ever since?” Luke choked out and Ashton nodded.

“I wanted to see you” he said in such a caring voice and Luke felt like just leaning forward and clinging to the boys’ body until he fell asleep.

“I was at Michael’s” Luke felt like he needed to admit and he watched as Ashton’s face fell “But it’s not what you think. I actually kind of helped him get a date with someone else” he chuckled and took it as a good sign when Ashton smiled a bit without showing his teeth. Luke trailed his eyes lower and wanted an excuse to touch Ashton again so he put his palm on the back of Ashton’s shirt “Is this a new shirt?” and he hated himself as soon as he said it because really? He felt so pathetic.

“Is that really what you want to talk about right now?” Ashton said seriously and his stern voice was back again but this time it was giving Luke these good type of chills that made him feel like his pants might start getting tighter around his crotch if Ashton continued to talk like that. Not to mention that it was so Ashton to notice that Luke obviously wanted to talk about something in particular.

“No” Luke mumbled after taking his hand off Ashton’s back and looking down.

“Lay down with me” Ashton said softly and Luke tensed his jaw when he felt Ashton’s hand on his thigh but it was gone in an instant. Luke nodded and switched positions so that he was laying on his side only a few inches away from Ashton and it was times like these that made Luke happy that he had such a small bed. Luke could feel Ashton’s eyes on him but he just kept looking down at the blanket as he messed with a string on it, trying to preoccupy himself “Are you still mad at me?” Ashton’s low voice made Luke shiver and then he was looking up at him. He hated that Ashton was thinking that he was mad at him when really Luke wasn’t looking at him because he didn’t trust himself to not just lean forward and kiss the life out of his best friend “Cause you have every right to be” and Luke was already shaking his head.

“I meant it when I said that I could never be mad at you” Luke whispered and he was trying so hard not to glance down at Ashton’s lips. He was just so close to Ashton and it was driving him insane not being able to touch him. Ashton’s warm breath was suddenly touching Luke’s face when the boy sighed and Luke again had no idea what Ashton was thinking right now and it was killing him. He honestly didn’t know if he was in the safe zone, or if there even was a safe zone, to talk to Ashton about what he really on his mind; and what had been on his mind for years

“You know you can tell me anything, right, Luke?” and Luke nodded even though he really wasn’t too sure of that. Telling Ashton that he was in love with him wasn’t some little problem; it was a huge thing and he wasn’t sure if Ashton was ready to hear it. Luke tensed when he felt Ashton moving even closer to him and he looked away again. He could tell that Ashton was sitting up on his elbow though and Luke, for some reason, got scared of what he was going to do next.

Ashton just lingered above Luke and Luke was starting to relax a little as he felt Ashton’s caring gaze on him.  
Suddenly he felt Ashton’s big, but gentle, hand on his arm and Luke swore he stopped breathing entirely with Ashton touching him like this. It got even harder for Luke to contain himself when Ashton’s started moving his hand against his skin in small but firm movements and Luke knew that Ashton could feel his goosebumps on his skin. Luke shivered when Ashton’s hand moved to the back of his arm and he never knew that the skin back there was so sensitive until Ashton touched him there.

“Luke” Ashton spoke softly, never stopping his hand movement and Luke just pressed his face into the pillow.

“Fuck” he whimpered out and then Ashton stopped moving his hand and Luke already missed it “I don’t...I don’t know how to say this” he was so close to tears and also so close to telling Ashton that he loved him. He felt like he could do it with how caring Ashton was being with him right now.

His thoughts vanished though when the bed was dipping a bit and Ashton was laying on his side so that their faces were only a couple of inches apart; they were so close that Luke could feel his breath and he didn’t even notice that Ashton’s hand was now on his back “I just…I can’t lose you” Luke whispered and he could already feel the tears swelling up in his eyes at the thought of Ashton wanting nothing to do with him after he told him the truth.

“You’re not going to lose me” Ashton spoke sternly and Luke tensed up but Ashton started tracing circles on his back with the tips of his fingers and all Luke’s worries seemed to go away.

“You don’t know that for sure though” Luke said softly as he finally looked up at Ashton and he felt a tear run down his cheek.

“Yeah I do” Ashton said so confidently and Luke didn’t even have time to think about how Ashton was so sure of that because soon he felt warm lips against his and his heart was beating so fast in his chest that he could feel it in his ears.

Ashton’s hands were now on his neck as he sucked Luke’s lower lip in between his own and that was when it hit Luke what was really happening. Luke closed his eyes and kissed Ashton back like he needed it to breathe.

Ashton began kissing him fiercely and Luke caught up quickly as he put his hand on Ashton’s hip and at that Ashton’s hand on his neck moved down to his back as Ashton pulled Luke right up against his chest in one swift movement. Luke couldn’t help but moan out at that and then Ashton was slowly sticking his tongue into Luke’s mouth and Luke swore his whole body was on fire.

He couldn’t believe this was actually happening. He was kissing his best friend; the person he loved more than anything in this world and God, Luke wanted to tell him this so badly; wanted to tell Ashton how much he loved him but he didn’t want to stop kissing him either. Luke moved his hand so that it was under Ashton’s shirt and he felt the boys abs which made him let out a whimper.

He rubbed his hand up and down Ashton’s stomach as he turned his head so that he was getting a new angle and kissing Ashton on a slant a bit but Ashton quickly moved his hand up to the back of Luke’s hair and then he was leading the kiss once again but Luke loved being lead by Ashton.

Luke was already feeling so out of breath and Ashton must have been too because he started to slow down his lips and Luke hurried to match up with him. Ashton just put both of his palms on Luke’s cheeks and every few seconds he would bring Luke’s bottom lip between his slowly as he just breathed hotly out, giving Luke chills as he now had his eyes opened.

Ashton let out a breath and then he was backing away a bit and Luke knew his eyes were blown wide open but he just couldn’t help it. He reached a hand out and trailed his fingers on Ashton’s right cheek just to make sure that he was really there; just making sure that this wasn’t some dream.

“A-Ash” Luke whispered and he could feel his lips quiver. Ashton just moved his head slightly so he could kiss Luke’s palm and Luke closed his eyes again at all of this being so amazing. Ashton was then putting his hand over Luke’s that was still on his face as he rubbed at it, encouraging Luke to keep talking. Luke felt so brave at his moment with Ashton staring at him with so much love in his eyes. Luke hoped he wasn’t imagining it but he swore he could see it. Ashton loved him; he could feel it “I’m in love with you” Luke whispered so quietly he wasn’t even sure that Ashton heard him but suddenly Ashton was wrapping an arm around his waist and bringing him to his chest and Luke instantly melted into the touch as he wrapped an arm around Ashton’s back and pressed his face into his neck.

He could feel the tears flowing more as Ashton started rubbing at his back and then holding him tighter like he was afraid that he would leave him again.

“Fuck” he shot out like it was painful to say and Luke clenched his eyes shut in fear of what was going to come next but Ashton moved his hand up to card it through Luke’s hair and Luke let out a whimper at the touch “I’m in love with you too” he breathed out and Luke was doing quite the opposite as he sucked in a breath and almost forgot to let it out “I’m so fucking in love with you, Luke” Luke felt Ashton loosen his grip on him and Luke backed up to get a look at the boy.

“Y-you are?” Luke whispered out and Ashton closed his eyes as he nodded then he was opening them again.

“I am” he spoke louder than before and then he was cupping Luke’s cheek with his hand “It’s why I’ve been acting like such a dick lately. It just kind of hit me one day and I didn’t know how to handle it” Ashton took a deep breath and rubbed a hand down Luke’s bare arm. Luke let the words ‘I’m so fucking in love with you, Luke’ echo over and over in his head as he tried to slow down his heartbeat but there was no use; he felt so happy.

He looked down to Ashton’s lips and realized that he already missed them against his own so he didn’t hesitate to kiss Ashton again. Ashton smiled into the kiss and began kissing Luke more deeply when Luke started trailing his fingers lower on his bare stomach.

Luke got brave and stuck his fingers just an inch below the waist of Ashton’s jeans and it caused Ashton to tense up so Luke retracted his fingers.

Only a second went by before Ashton was grabbing Luke’s hand and then shoving it down his jeans again. Luke smirked into the kiss and moved his hand down lower until he could feel Ashton’s dick and a chill ran down his back at touching him like this. Luke could only just rub his hand up and down when Ashton’s jeans were still on but it seemed to be enough for Ashton as he let out a low moan and bit at Luke’s lip.

It happened suddenly when Ashton was pushing Luke on his back as he straddled him, while they were both now in just their boxers. Ashton instantly grinded into him which caused Luke to lean up into him to get more contact as he threw his head back into the pillow. Ashton got down on his elbows, right above Luke, as he pecked his lips a few times and then he was working on sucking marks into his neck, right underneath his jaw.

Luke let out a whine as Ashton started to grind even faster into him as he began biting at his neck. Luke loved how rough Ashton was being with him and he had a feeling he would when he remembers how much he liked something as simple as Ashton gripping hard on his wrist.

Luke began rubbing his hands up and down Ashton’s back, just loving being able to touch him and not being able to get enough of it. He moved his hands lower and started to push them under Ashton’s boxers and he hoped Ashton was getting the message he was trying to give him.

Luke honestly thought they were wearing way too much clothing even though they were only in their boxers. He just craved that skin to skin contact so badly.  
Unfortunately Ashton was so focused on kissing all over Luke’s neck and collarbone that he didn’t get the message and Luke whimpered loudly to get his attention. Ashton picked his head up out of Luke’s neck and looked straight down at the boy as they were both heavily breathing. Without a word Luke slipped his hands down Ashton’s boxers again until both his palms were massaging at his cheeks and he watched as Ashton bit his lip hard and let out a groan at the touch.

“Can I?” Luke asked softly as he pulled on the material of Ashton’s boxers and Ashton just nodded, while his eyes were still closed and Luke began moving them down Ashton’s thick thighs. Ashton opened his eyes and helped him out before he was throwing the boxers onto the floor and just hovering on his hands and knees above Luke. Luke let out a moan as he began rubbing his hands up and down Ashton’s thighs then he was rubbing at the inside of them before finally getting a hand properly on Ashton’s dick.

Ashton let his head fall at the contact and began thrusting into Luke’s hand and Luke thought it was the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen.

Soon Ashton was getting Luke’s boxers off too and then he was straddling him again as he picked up both of their cocks and began pumping them. The feeling of Ashton’s dick against his along with the feeling of Ashton’s firm hand was driving Luke insane and he couldn’t stop letting out whines of wanting Ashton to go faster but at the same time he loved the slow and teasing pace.

“Been wanting this for so long, Lukey” Ashton whispered and it caused Luke to quickly open his eyes and thankfully Ashton started to pick up the pace of his hips and his hand.

“Me-me too” Luke stuttered out “Can’t believe you’re-fuck-“ Luke cut off his words with a moan and a curse when Ashton moved his thumb across the slit of his dick “touching me like this”

“Can’t believe you’re letting me touch you like this” Ashton chuckled out and Luke did too at how ridiculous that sounded; he’s wanted this so badly for so long so there was no way in hell he would ever turn this down.

“Are you kidding?” Luke laughed but he ended it with a moan when Ashton did a hard grind into him as he bit his lip and concentrated so hard on making Luke feel good. Ashton just chuckled lowly at him and then he was stilling his hand and thrusts completely and Luke frowned. Luke watched as he backed up a bit and began trailing kisses all the way down his stomach, making Luke shiver at the soft touches of his lips.

“I’m gonna make you feel so good, Luke” and Luke let out a stuttered breath when it seemed like he could feel Ashton’s low voice vibrate through his chest as his kisses just got lower and lower.

Only a few seconds went by before Ashton’s hot breath was ghosting over Luke’s painfully hard dick and Luke was watching his every move as Ashton just barely touched his lips to the tip and Luke was already feeling like he could come just from that. It got even better when Ashton started sucking on the tip and skillfully swirling his tongue around it in a way that had Luke tensing up and gripping the sheets.

Ashton began to slowly take more and more of Luke and Luke couldn’t help but reach out and put one hand in his hair as he used his other hand to grip Ashton’s bicep. Luke rubbed his thumb against the smooth skin on Ashton’s arm just because he loved touching him but also so he could distract himself a bit and not just totally come down Ashton’s throat; he just didn’t want to this to be over so soon…or at all really but Luke knew that was unrealistic.

Ashton moaned, sending an amazing vibration down Luke’s dick, as he began to bob his head up and down in a fast movement and Luke gripped his hair and massaged his fingers through it, just trying to let Ashton know how much he was loving this. He was pretty sure by his constant moans that Ashton knew damn well how much he was enjoying it though. Luke, of course, has had experiences like this with other people in the past but none of them even compared to how he was feeling right now with Ashton pleasuring him. Ashton was the love of his life so of course this wouldn’t be the same as the other times.

Luke felt a strong shiver run all the way through his body and he knew how close he was with how amazing Ashton’s mouth felt on him and how he couldn’t stop shaking.

“A-Ash” Luke moaned loudly as Ashton started using his tongue again every time he would come back up to the tip “M’ almost there” he whimpered and he just watched as Ashton went down even further so that his nose was touching Luke’s skin and Luke was so gone. Shakes ripped through him as he came down Ashton’s throat and clenched his eyes shut, letting out an embarrassingly loud moan but he didn’t even care; Ashton had just gave him the orgasm of a lifetime.

“Oh fuck” Luke whined, with his voice way higher pitched than usual “Fuck, Ash” he didn’t even know what he was saying as he pressed his head back into the pillow and slowly came down from his high. He felt the bed moving a bit but he couldn’t even open his eyes with how wiped out he felt. Then he felt a repeated rhythm above him and opened his eyes to see to see Ashton’s head picked up as he looked straight at Luke and quickly jerked himself off and Luke could tell how close he was “I wanna…” Luke said sitting up and reaching out, needing to touch Ashton. Ashton just flashed him possibly the hottest smirk ever before letting out a moan and Luke just began pressing desperate kisses all along Ashton’s neck as he rubbed his hands up his thighs and kept gripping them hard.

“Tell me-“ Ashton’s chest was heaving up and down as he moaned and Luke moved his head to look at him, hoping that he would continue “Fuck” Ashton whined out when Luke moved his hands to his ass and squeezed Ashton’s cheeks “Tell me you love me again” Ashton shot out quickly like he was begging Luke to. It caused Luke to moan too as he pressed their lips together and Luke tried to catch his breath again after they kissed fiercely.

“I love you more than anything, Ashton” Luke whispered and Ashton let out a desperate moan and his head fell to Luke’s shoulder. Ashton he was coming all over Luke’s stomach in an instant and Luke kept massaging at his ass all the way through his orgasm as he sucked marks into his neck. Luke slowed down to start just putting pecks all over Ashton’s neck as Ashton’s breathing finally began to steady. Ashton moved to fully sit on Luke’s lap and Luke just held him tight as he rubbed his hands up his back.

With how Ashton had been with him lately Luke honestly didn’t know if he would have the old Ashton back ever again but here in this moment he knew he was back.

“I’ve missed you so much” Luke whispered into his shoulder and Ashton was immediately backing up and looking at him with confused eyes. Luke opened his mouth to explain what he meant but then Ashton was developing a sad look on his face as he nodded. Luke took a deep breath when he felt Ashton’s hands on his cheeks before pressing a soft kiss to Luke’s lips.

“I promise I won’t ever treat you like that again” Ashton looked so upset with himself as he shook his head and looked away for a few seconds “I’m gonna make it up to you”

“You already have” Luke softly smiled and he felt so much better when Ashton smiled too.

“And Luke?” Ashton said looking a bit shy as he bit at his lip and then kissed Luke’s cheek and Luke gave him his full attention “I only slept with Alexis to get my mind off you...I hope you know that” and at that Luke chuckled which had Ashton looking confused.

“I only slept with Michael to get my mind off of you” and Ashton seemed to glow at that.

“You not calling me during the party wasn’t really what made me so upset” Ashton admitted “I was upset because I just had this feeling that you were spending the night with someone else and…it just fucking killed me; picturing you with someone else”

“Anything else you’d like to admit?” Luke smirked and Ashton almost looked like he was blushing.

“Yeah” Ashton said as his smile fade and he nodded once confidently “I’ve always been in love with you; ever since we met “Luke closed his eyes at the power of those words and he leaned their foreheads together. Ashton moved his hand up to brush the backs of his fingers against Luke’s cheek and Luke leaned into the touch before opening his eyes.

“I’ve always been in love with you too, Ash” and he chuckled “Fuck you have no idea. I’ve been driving myself nuts trying to hide how in love with you I really am”

“We’ve wasted so much time” Ashton chuckled as he shook his head like he couldn’t believe that they had both been going through the same thing “And I was such an idiot; I should have just told you how I felt”

“We were both idiots” Luke smiled and Ashton just smiled back.

“I love you” Ashton pressed his lips hard against Luke’s and Luke kissed him back desperately “Fuck I love you so much. I’ll never get tired of saying that”

“I love you” Luke smiled and then chuckled “Me either”


End file.
